Chapter 32

I’m starting to doubt whether hard work does pay off… When results were out and often to my dismay, i question myself for the reason why… I used to feel numb for failing subjects especially when i was unprepared for the test… But now… its a different story… When you did put in the effort, you thought you will be able to achieve what you deemed as the grades you deserved… The truth has proven otherwise… Was it the norm? or was i expecting too much from myself, way above my limits?? Sometimes I desperately ask my brother why he has taken away most of the genes of wisdom and left none for me… Obviously, i know that was just a mere excuse… I just felt so low and inferior and dumb… Pardon me… I just wanna rant it out… There are so much ‘what if’ racing through my mind now… What if i cannot make it to university? What if i cannot get into the course i want? What if I’ve wasted my parents’ effort into pumping in money for my tuition? What if I’ve disappointed my dad for all his, “Girl, you can do it… Go for it…”? What if I’ve made my mum’s efforts and hopes for me go down the drain? What if I cannot attain the same or even better results than my brother? What if…. The stress is piling and i don’t wanna disappoint those people who pinned their hopes on me…

Prelims is over… And it’s gonna be a new start and new drive for As… Afterall As is THE THING…. Away with all those thoughts… Its gna be 101% till around one and a half months from now… After which everything will be left to destiny… Life is practical… Do away with ‘it is not the result but the process that matters’… It does not stand…. This is only an assurance… I used to strongly believe in it… But in reality… IT IS THE RESULT THAT MATTERS… I’ve seen through how some people look at things on the surface through these weeks or months or years… This is LIFE… I shall seek back my drive and direction and sprint hard for the final lap=)

To my love, khs, shuang, kitty, ant, mel, hyper, chua kit, 2406, and all others:
Jia you my friends!!! It’s the final lap… GO FOR IT!!!!

Chapter 31

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m seriously not in the mood to do anything else… Not even attempting to study for Econs which is due tmr…. Maths is a POS!!! PIECE OF SHIT!!! The ONLY subject I was most confident of… and i literally FLOPPED!! So much money and so much effort pumped into getting just a B at least… and now guess what… There’s even a problem of PASSING the paper let alone getting a A, or B or even C…. Sad and depressed to the power of infinity… I shan’t talk abt other hopeless subjects… But Maths!!!! I’ve really tried very hard… =(

Chapter 30

HeeLoHA!!! By popular demand fom my loves, and this tempting urge to blog after weeks…. Hey peeps!! I’M BACK!! wahahaha…. I’ve been refraining myself from using the computer coz of this father named EXAMINATIONS and mother MOE giving birth to a child by the name of PRELIMs… Their second child ‘A’LEVELs is due a month from now or so… But that doesn’t mean i’m like MUGGING like 24h a day… it had been a nice week though, counting out some stressful moments…. But at least i get to sleep as much as i want=)… and there’s seriously no other bleaching brands as compared to ’staying-home-for-a-week’…

I had a funny dream last tuesday afternoon… why afternoon? coz i kinda screwed by biological clock and i literally became a night owl for the past few days.. back to the dream… I dreamt of Mrs Low issuing out our CHEMISTRY papers… (weird rite… mrs low is my econs teacher btw) as she was passing my paper to me, she said this, “Liting, i’m very disappointed in you…” (haha…. imagine the scene… it’s hilarious though) Then i saw my marks… 233/2065… gawd! thats like 11% of the entire marks… It’s a SUPER ‘U’… haha… then i woke up with tears in my eyes.. hahaha… the first thing i did was to ring up my mum.. “Hello mummy, where are you… BUY 4D!!!” haha… so the very next day, wednesday… we tuned onto teletext at 7pm… guess wat… 1st prize: 0233!!! gawd!!! we screamed like some maddo… haha… super coincidental lah… anyway the number came out in today’s starters too… 3230… haha…. lucky number heh….

Bro had been doing well in army and will be passing out in november i guess… i wanna go for his passing-out parade.. hope it doesn’t clash with As… Army stories are super interesting lah… especially the ones during hell week… Every weekend i waited in anticipation for him to come home… It’s a feeling i didn’t have before… We grew up together like twins… Argue and fight everyday… play toy soldiers, lego, hide-and-seek, cooking, house-building with mattresses… haha… that’s our childhood… when we were young, me, my bro and mom and dad shared the same bedroom in our old flat… rmb once i couldn’t get to sleep so i kinda chatted with my doll… haha.. so silly.. then my mum got angry coz its rather late already and she thought it was my bro who was talking to himself… she took out a cane and whipped him la… then he woke up in shock… haha… and i pretended to be sleeping or smth… lolz!!! we shared alot of childhood memories together.. we even promised each other not to fight ever again once after we were whipped real hard by mum for fighting… but the next day we still FIGHT!! haha… i used to think i wun lose to him la… but now… cannot fight alrdy.. SURE K.O.!!! Now that we’ve grown out of our fighting days, it was really funny when we chat bout those silly stuffs… It was a tough time for him in the diver’s course… But i think he’s great to have gone through such tedious trainings and the whole family is proud of him=)… I respect him for his strong mentality… He’s my idol at heart=)… Way to go bro!!!

Prelims officially starting in a few days time… i dun feel really prepared… how? how? ahhhhh….